In January 2021, I was sitting in Cafe Allegro in Seattle, staring at a Moleskine notebook that cost me $28 and felt like a heavy weight in my lap. I had written down ‘Increase income by 30%’ and ‘Run a half marathon’ and ‘Read 50 books.’ Standard stuff. By March, I hadn’t run more than three miles, I was making exactly the same amount of money, and I had read half of one book about sourdough. I felt like a total fraud. It wasn’t just that I failed; it was that the goals themselves felt like chores I had assigned to a stranger. I realized then that I don’t actually know what makes me happy on a Tuesday in July, but I know exactly what makes me miserable.
Why your ‘Best Year Ever’ is actually a trap
We are obsessed with addition. We think a good life is a pile of achievements we’ve shoveled into a heap. But here is the thing: adding ‘great’ things to a life that is currently leaking oil doesn’t fix the engine. I know people will disagree with this, and they’ll point to some high-performance coach who says you need to ‘aim for the stars,’ but honestly? Aiming for the stars is how you end up gasping for air in a vacuum. Most of the people I see crushing their ‘big goals’ are actually miserable to be around. They’re stressed, they’re twitchy, and they haven’t had a decent meal without checking Slack in three years. I don’t want their life.
I used to think that more was better. I was completely wrong. What I mean is—actually, let me put it differently. A good year isn’t defined by what you did; it’s defined by the bullshit you didn’t have to deal with. If I make $100k but I have to spend four hours a day in traffic and talk to people I despise, I have failed. If I make $70k but I never have to set an alarm clock and I spend my afternoons reading on the porch, I have won. It’s that simple. Most ‘productivity’ advice ignores the cost of the goal. They want you to be a machine. I’m not a machine. I’m a guy who likes naps and hates unnecessary meetings.
Traditional goal setting is like trying to drive a car while staring only at the hood ornament. You’re so focused on the shiny logo that you don’t see the cliff you’re driving over.
The ‘Anti-Goal’ list I actually use
Inverted goal setting is just a fancy way of saying ‘don’t be stupid.’ It comes from Charlie Munger, who died recently, and he used to say, ‘All I want to know is where I’m going to die, so I’ll never go there.’ So, instead of writing what I want, I write down what I want to avoid. I spent 14 months tracking my ‘misery metrics’ in a spreadsheet I called ‘The Pit.’ I recorded every time I felt like throwing my laptop out the window. I found that 82% of my worst days involved three specific things: back-to-back meetings, skipping lunch, and checking email before 9:00 AM.
So, my goals for the year weren’t ‘be more productive.’ They were:
- No meetings before 11:00 AM.
- No clients who ask for ‘quick calls’ on Saturdays.
- No more than three hours of screen time on my phone.
- Never saying ‘yes’ to an invitation in the moment (the 24-hour rule).
That’s it. That’s the whole trick.
By the way, I tried those blue light glasses everyone wears to ‘optimize’ focus during this period. They’re a total scam. I looked like a budget Clark Kent and still had a headache every day at 4:00 PM. Anyway, back to the list. When you define the ‘anti-goals,’ the good stuff happens automatically because you’ve cleared the space for it. It’s much easier to avoid a pothole than it is to build a whole new highway.
I might be wrong, but ‘manifesting’ is just lying to yourself
I’m going to say something that might get me some hate mail, but I genuinely believe that ‘manifesting’ and ‘vision boards’ are for people who don’t want to do the work of looking at their own flaws. It’s toxic positivity. You can’t just ‘vibrate at a higher frequency’ to get a promotion. You get a promotion by not being the person who misses deadlines and makes life harder for your coworkers. If you want a better life, look at the things you do that make your life worse and stop doing them. It’s not glamorous. It doesn’t look good on an Instagram story with a sunset background. But it works. I refuse to follow any of those ‘lifestyle design’ gurus who sell $500 courses on how to manifest your dream life. It’s a grift. I’d rather listen to a grumpy plumber tell me how to fix a leak than listen to a ‘manifestation coach’ tell me how to attract abundance. Abundance is just a word people use when they want to sound spiritual about wanting more money.
The part where I admit I’m still a mess
I want to be clear: I still screw this up. Last October, I broke my own rule and took on a freelance project for a brand I won’t name (okay, it was a crypto startup, and their logo looked like a kindergartner designed it). They offered me a lot of money—roughly $150 an hour—which is high for me. I ignored my ‘avoid’ list. I ended up working until 2:00 AM for three weeks straight, eating cold pizza, and snapping at my wife because I was so stressed. I made the money, but I felt like garbage. I bought a new mountain bike with the proceeds, and every time I look at it, I just remember the taste of cold pepperoni and the feeling of my eyes burning from the monitor glow.
I’ve bought the same $120 pair of boots four times because they make me feel like I have my life together, even when I’m failing at my own system. I don’t care if something better exists. I need that one constant. We all have these weird crutches. The point isn’t to be perfect; the point is to have a system that catches you when you’re being an idiot. Inversion is that system. It’s the guardrail on the highway. You can still drive like a maniac, but you’re less likely to go over the edge.
The practical steps for people who hate ‘steps’:
- Write down your ‘Day from Hell.’ Be specific. What time did you wake up? Who did you talk to? What did you eat?
- Identify the three things in that day that you can actually control.
- Make those three things your ‘Non-Negotiable Avoidance’ list.
- When someone asks you to do something, check it against the list. If it’s on the list, the answer is no.
Total lie. It’s actually harder than that because people will pressure you. Your boss will want that 8:00 AM meeting. Your friends will want you to go to that loud bar you hate. You have to be a bit of a jerk to protect your peace. I’ve become much more of a jerk lately, and honestly, I’ve never been happier.
This isn’t a ‘comprehensive guide’ because those don’t exist
I can’t tell you how to live your year. I’m just a guy with a blog and a history of making bad decisions. But I do know that every time I’ve focused on what to avoid rather than what to achieve, I’ve ended up in a better place. It’s less pressure. It feels more honest.
I wonder if we’re all just scared that if we stop striving for ‘more,’ we’ll realize we don’t actually know who we are without the hustle. That’s a terrifying thought. I don’t have the answer to that one yet. I’m still trying to figure out what I’m left with when I strip away all the stuff I hate.
Just try it for a month. Identify one thing that makes you miserable and stop doing it. See what happens.